Healing the Divine Masculine - in ALL of us

"Vsechno co potrebuje je svetlo, vzduch a lasku...." Says the Czech fairytale Lotrando a Zubejda. "All she needs is light, air, and love..." and great sex, I add. There's a difference between 25 year old driving you up the wall or 35 and 45 year old... I trust the direction of the older ones more. I know age is social, cultural, and perhaps a spiritual construct. It's not always very telling. Like, does a 25-year-old who lived on the streets and/or studied with shamans possess the same or deeper character and wisdom as a 25-year-old who had everything prepared on a golden plate, including paid college, lodging, and all the parties they wanted to have? Damn, I got a cold a mere week after finishing an antibiotic treatment for Borrelia. Why does my mind sabotage my body and everything else? I have to feel fit for work, get back into my fitness regime, and, I planned a trip to Germany and a photoshoot in Holland this week! I also blocked my neck...      This is

The truth is, I've been feeling really sad lately, and it's quite hard for me to create. I know that in this state, I'm just as useful as a wet, dirty cloth (feel free to let me know a better analogy). Right now, I'm not even useful to myself as my affirmations do fuck all. I know I can't manifest from this low frequency I'm vibing on, and I'm definitely not useful to others. I can't lead if I need a leader. Someone or something to lead me out of this misery. My split personality is whispering - you should be able to lead yourself out of this! And the child in me screams - but I can't!!!! I can't, I can't, I can't.  It's the kind of misery where even the teenager in me knows that no amount of calories or wine will help us. (Yet she still tries to defy it occasionally). I don't drink as much as before because.... repetition is the mother of mastery. To repeat something that has never worked in the past would be insane, and that'

I could not have returned to teaching Tantra before I mastered healing my own sexual trauma.  Frankly, I've held onto everything. All the wrath from my mother and her lineage, female castration of the masculine, my father's shame, the collective consciousness of guilt that turns people into sexual pervs, and my self-betrayals when it came to sex, to top it all off...  I abused myself over and over again. When it was clear that my body had shut down, I started asking: Do I have to consent to sex whenever I take kissing too far? Do I need to have sex to receive 'benefits' from the masculine? Those questions haunted me and also brought on the most profound revelations. I pondered several times if, and I hate ifs, I hadn't been starved for love and intimacy before I met M. in Mexico, I would have gone all the way with him at all.  It wasn't 'too soon' to have sex with him; it was too late to try to make up for all the intimacy avoidance I kept punishing myse

I want to write about sex, celibacy, sexual trauma, and learning to receive after a long period of giving. I was able to receive mental peace and physical pleasure in the past couple of months, purely with my deliberated intention to approach the masculine energy differently.  Am I willing to be wrong? Can I allow myself to receive and feel more? The latter is not a selfish question. If you're with the right person, you'll understand that they also receive through your receptivity of their masculine gifts. What a topic! Let me shed some light on it. There were three men that inspired me to change my approach to sexuality, the masculine polarity and Tantra in May/June! Bumping into F. at a huge Swedish airport… and him rekindling my fascination with the masculine, since he kind of lacks an attractive embodiment of it, that wasn’t a coincidence. When we first met in 2019, I was burnt-out from working as a Tantric practitioner in Australia- work that should have been very gratif

For the past two nights, it's been a little hard to write. My mind has a lot of wild thoughts inside. I took some time off to reflect on recent changes and on the far past too. I don't want to repeat the same patterns in my career and love. It's important for me to check in on my progress or hindrances and assess whether I'm moving in the right direction. The verdict: I don't know. All I can say is that I've never had more INTEGRITY than now. Maybe it's because I write on most days, and while I still don't have any audience, I have to treat this space as if I do. I will. I write it as it is and, therefore, keep myself accountable to change. Because I'm very open and honest here, not painting a saint, all-knowing,  wise sage picture of myself, I feel rather vulnerable, and shame arises too. Once people start reading my posts and perhaps commenting, my outrageous content better holds some depth and reflects my efforts to become the best version of myse

Why do we sabotage success, great relationships, or personal progress - weight loss, for example, and wonder how the hell did it come about? When we’re amidst a sudden crisis or chaos, it seems so unfair.  Does it feel to you as if somebody, something outside of you, interfered with your happiness? A force beyond your control overtakes your life when it's been going so well, and you're set aback. I hate to break it to you, but you are your own enemy. You’re the common denominator. Not that there’s something fundamentally wrong with you unless you believe it is so, but you must have set a so-called personal upper limit to what you believe you can achieve in life, love, and career. Anything that ‘threatens’ you’ll pass that limit may trigger a series of self-sabotaging patterns. Gay Hendricks, in his book The Big Leap, talks about this upper limit.  I found myself applying it to my life and nodding a lot! I left my first relationship because it was too harmonious. Like, I’m used

I walked across the Charles Bridge just before midnight. At first, I wandered around Prague's Castle, it's such a beautiful part of the city, I love Mala Strana! The bird's eye view from the castle's walls is breathtaking. And that's also where last week I contemplated whether to go to see a guy on his last night in the town. Mixed feelings washed over me. I do understand myself and where I'm coming from by now, so I know that any sadness that was also in the mishmash of emotions, along with excitement and others, had nothing to do with him, his life, etc., at all. It had everything to do with being reminded of what I was missing. The fleeting connection reminded me of love and the deep longing to be held and witnessed by one person, one man, for a long, long time to come. It doesn't matter if I won't see this lover again. He was a messenger. In the mixed bag of emotions dwelled loneliness which I didn't allow myself to tap into, well, since February