Sex, love, Tantra and trauma
I want to write about sex, celibacy, sexual trauma, and learning to receive after a long period of giving.
I was able to receive mental peace and physical pleasure in the past couple of months, purely with my deliberated intention to approach the masculine energy differently.
I was able to receive mental peace and physical pleasure in the past couple of months, purely with my deliberated intention to approach the masculine energy differently.
Am I willing to be wrong? Can I allow myself to receive and feel more? The latter is not a selfish question. If you're with the right person, you'll understand that they also receive through your receptivity of their masculine gifts.
What a topic!
Let me shed some light on it. There were three men that inspired me to change my approach to sexuality, the masculine polarity and Tantra in May/June!
Bumping into F. at a huge Swedish airport… and him rekindling my fascination with the masculine, since he kind of lacks an attractive embodiment of it, that wasn’t a coincidence.
When we first met in 2019, I was burnt-out from working as a Tantric practitioner in Australia- work that should have been very gratifying. But I had been doing it wrong all along, overgiving, and not letting myself receive nothing but money from men. F. really built me up but he had his own healing about the essence of the feminine to do!
Second, getting to know my other friend M.’s husband, proved very useful. His private insights into the male psyche were priceless. I thought I knew men, but the filter I was seeing ‘all men’ through wasn’t good.
The relatively narrow lens had kept me emotionally distant, and using sex to manipulate the connection and avoid deeper intimacy. My distorted and narrow view kept convincing me that men were either losers who wouldn't make a move, lying cheaters, or Pick-up artists (Thanks, Neil Strauss, for your book! Sickening at first, then revelatory - Damn, am I a pickup artist, are we all just doing it for the sake of ‘the game?’ It turned into the most heartfelt story coming from a past sex addict that I’ve ever read). No wonder I was contemplating another long, long celibacy!
Wow, did I actually say what I reduced men to out loud? Now choose!
Single and counting… nothing’s gonna change until I change.
I started practicing Tantra again after meeting the third influential man, T.
Well, it would, but perhaps better the 10 awkward minutes than a lifetime of trauma.
The body keeps a score of all your voluntary and involuntary abuse.
A heavy topic, I know.
Yes, sex can always turn into a profoundly healing experience, and if hearts are involved, it bonds the two together like nothing else.
What a topic!
Let me shed some light on it. There were three men that inspired me to change my approach to sexuality, the masculine polarity and Tantra in May/June!
Bumping into F. at a huge Swedish airport… and him rekindling my fascination with the masculine, since he kind of lacks an attractive embodiment of it, that wasn’t a coincidence.
When we first met in 2019, I was burnt-out from working as a Tantric practitioner in Australia- work that should have been very gratifying. But I had been doing it wrong all along, overgiving, and not letting myself receive nothing but money from men. F. really built me up but he had his own healing about the essence of the feminine to do!
Second, getting to know my other friend M.’s husband, proved very useful. His private insights into the male psyche were priceless. I thought I knew men, but the filter I was seeing ‘all men’ through wasn’t good.
The relatively narrow lens had kept me emotionally distant, and using sex to manipulate the connection and avoid deeper intimacy. My distorted and narrow view kept convincing me that men were either losers who wouldn't make a move, lying cheaters, or Pick-up artists (Thanks, Neil Strauss, for your book! Sickening at first, then revelatory - Damn, am I a pickup artist, are we all just doing it for the sake of ‘the game?’ It turned into the most heartfelt story coming from a past sex addict that I’ve ever read). No wonder I was contemplating another long, long celibacy!
Wow, did I actually say what I reduced men to out loud? Now choose!
Single and counting… nothing’s gonna change until I change.
I started practicing Tantra again after meeting the third influential man, T.
He told me about his past Tantric massage experiences, and for me, the pieces fit the puzzle. I was back on, but differently.
Our connection wasn’t only spiritual as it was with the previous men, but it was still consummated cautiously. Our brief union reminded me of my Tantric teacher ordeal, and to take my blinders off and open up to the deeper yearning of the masculine heart to give and be seen through the lens of unconditional love and acceptance.
Humans are perfectly imperfect.
I can be sexually very curious and open-minded and still deal with all kinds of trauma all the time.
In other words, as a woman, I don't need to have been violently raped to have very traumatic energetic imprints in my body from sexual and emotional experiences with men. Even if all my past intercourses were consented to verbally, or if my silence was interpreted as consent, my spirit was not always ‘all yes’, nor even firmly seated in my body.
Our connection wasn’t only spiritual as it was with the previous men, but it was still consummated cautiously. Our brief union reminded me of my Tantric teacher ordeal, and to take my blinders off and open up to the deeper yearning of the masculine heart to give and be seen through the lens of unconditional love and acceptance.
Humans are perfectly imperfect.
I can be sexually very curious and open-minded and still deal with all kinds of trauma all the time.
In other words, as a woman, I don't need to have been violently raped to have very traumatic energetic imprints in my body from sexual and emotional experiences with men. Even if all my past intercourses were consented to verbally, or if my silence was interpreted as consent, my spirit was not always ‘all yes’, nor even firmly seated in my body.
There are numerous reasons for that. All come down to some versions of the survival instincts, self-preservation, guilt, shame, or the fear of being misunderstood and hurt. Helpful questions are: Do my mind and body feel safe??? Is my heart involved?
If not, chances are the aftereffects will be traumatic. Worse, if the act physically hurt, but I said nothing, not even: "Slow down, please." The body will feel breeched. And the guy has no idea. Many women feel that it’s too late to say ‘no.’ It would be awkward if I just wriggled myself out of this, got dressed, and disappeared...
Well, it would, but perhaps better the 10 awkward minutes than a lifetime of trauma.
The body keeps a score of all your voluntary and involuntary abuse.
A heavy topic, I know.
Yes, sex can always turn into a profoundly healing experience, and if hearts are involved, it bonds the two together like nothing else.
But, let's face it, not all coupling is always pleasurable. When it’s not, can we change it?
Of course, that’s why I’m here, to tell you that it’s never too late to purge these energetic imprints, install peace, forgiveness, higher self-worth, and do sex - and Tantra - in a new way.
Woman, It’s time to embody the real magnetic feminine surrendered goddess who’ll attract her masculine actionable giving Viking to take good care of her ❤️
Of course, that’s why I’m here, to tell you that it’s never too late to purge these energetic imprints, install peace, forgiveness, higher self-worth, and do sex - and Tantra - in a new way.
Woman, It’s time to embody the real magnetic feminine surrendered goddess who’ll attract her masculine actionable giving Viking to take good care of her ❤️
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