You really never know...

Over 4 hours ago, I thought this would be an angry post.... a lot has stirred up since my latest rejection, but... I'm healed. Hahaha, honestly, this feels awesome.

I was feeling meh, processing the accumulation of my past fuckups, and as you can imagine, it's not been pretty. Tonight, I watched RRT Solutions seminar, and there was an excellent question from a man who fears closeness... What to do about the juvenile panic when he gets intimate with a woman?... Our RRT genius made him see that his nakedness (possibly literal as well as an analogy for vulnerability) is desired. There is no threat of humiliation.

I listened with high attentiveness because it was something I've been pondering as well... What was it in me that wanted to abort C.'s and mine connection after he had made me orgasm on the phone? 

Was it my fear of disappointment and refusing to be vulnerable? I paused our conversations and then resumed them despite my brain telling me it was a trainwreck I was dealing with.

A trainwreck he is. He told me after all. (Another guy is telling you who he is!)

Yes, down the drain went his interest in me, along with his ejaculation. A line I will for sure use in my book. It happened immediately. I saw it in his post-climax tired face. I had been avoiding making that happen because I knew. I've had a crystal ball ever since I got first hurt by a man unable to handle his vulnerability. 

So he's climaxing there alone for me to see on the small screen, and then he goes to sleep... and I know what is coming... (shit).

So what do you do when you stop texting with one asshole? You start texting another. Namely, your ex.

Unbelievably, a disaster happened in what is Mexico's mecca for all anarchist freedom lovers...
The site of a festival I helped organize last year in Acapulco is destroyed, it is fucking unimaginable...I am shocked at how the beautiful Acapulco coast I so vividly remember riding up and down just 8 months ago changed overnight. The hurricane hasn't left a window intact.... fuck.

Out of genuine concern, I checked up upon my ex, whom the Universe sent back to Europe a few weeks before, and we talked for 3 hours... He called Acapulco home for a few years, and now has a kid there.

I never would have thought I'd text this person back, laugh with him, and feel so good about sharing. 

I know I was supposed to mourn the loss of my latest virtual crush, but what can I do?
I'm a woman with many interests and an interest in men in general. I am surrounded by men!

M. and I may have a special messed-up bond. And now he lives only a 20 minute drive away from me... However, I stopped him in his tracks. Not a booty call at midnight, young man, just a friendly check-in!

He's not the man for me; we already established that. We cleared the air in peace like two mature adults, so now I'm quite excited about what this new friendship will bring.