Healing the Divine Masculine - in ALL of us

Dang, I'm so much better when surrounded by the right community. I've been on the road again and alone since Saturday (for about 5 days now). The only times I talked were during frustrated rants at the airports, ordering empanadas, coffee, and fruits in shops, recording a couple of short voicemails to friends, and conducting an hour-long healing session. During the latter, it wasn't even me doing all the talking but the Spirit or my client. Deep conversations are the only times when my English is fine. When I keep to myself too much, I forget who I am and what language I should use. My Spanish is still retarded, yet I have the decency to still speak it, albeit badly, instead of expecting the locals to communicate in English with me, as they can't. At this rate, I'll forget how to talk altogether! There's nothing like stimulating conversations for me. They bring life to my veins. My time in Pucallpa was precious. I had the space to do everything I liked. Dancing,

Are some planets in retrograde these days? Questions like - Do I wish for an exclusive or open relationship? and Am I still hung up on M.? started coming up again. I might be light-heartedly hung up since he was the best lover of the last year, and I am very, very horny now! He was playful, affectionate, and hungry for me. But I know it's time to open the door for something more smooth sailing, no kids from previous relations, or long-distance. Peru is clearly working its wise magic on me. Weirdly, I cannot imagine being intimate with L. He certainly is gorgeous, has a good heart, and is caring enough. But, a big but - he is obsessed with exploring Eros with various women. In fact, he has been in an open relationship and polyamorous for many years.  I respect that. Could I be poly? I've examined the subject a couple of times before on this blog.  A part of me wants to be that open-hearted, but a more significant part of me gets off on the idea of a primarily monogamous, secur

I'm surprised at how much I've been enjoying my stay at the jungle commune. Currently, there are 10 adults here, including me. Then 1 child, 3 big dogs, 2 puppies, 3 kittens and 1 big cat. The Shaman's friends, the local 'curandera' and her daughter, frequently visit us. We share some spaces, but if someone doesn't feel social, it is perfectly acceptable to stay in their private, simple bedroom. I have my routine that I can easily stick to, and then throughout the day, I go to the common kitchen and living room to cook, eat, or just hang out with others. Today, I made healthy sweet potato brownies for everybody. I'd love to say that I baked them, but the oven had a rusty cauldron with a moldy potion inside, and the white stuff spread onto the rack and the door, too. So I made them semi-raw coz' there was no way I'd touch the filth. I hang out with L. the most. I feel very comfortable with him; we share morning coffee and hugs, give each other little

Jungle life... The Ayahuasca ceremony is set for Monday. So I have 3 days to cleanse my body further. I've not been following any too-special diet, except for avoiding most processed foods and alcohol. Although I had some beer yesterday, I've been good since Auckland's airport. Now, I will not drink till then and  ease out on the coffee, too. Definitely no coffee on Monday morning, and perhaps eat just fruit 24 hours before. The food here is quite good and abundant, with plenty of grilled chicken around that's dirt cheap, grilled platanos, rice, fruit, and fresh cheese. What more do you need to thrive? Vegetables, perhaps... Even the Shaman here seems to eat everything, including bread. I feel relatively clean already. I sweat tons daily, and generally, I'm just happier since I came to this place. Any toxic negativity dissolved.  I laugh even at things like a lost bag full of groceries. My groceries that L. offered to carry because they were heavy. L. just does the

Unbelievably, the connection is not there anymore. I cut the cord. I tried hard to summon it this morning, just for fun, and my inner vision could not even make out the outlines of his face…. That’s so wonderful! Not only can I not ‘feel’ him, but I cannot even recall what he looks like. It’s gone. I pulled out a saved pic of him and - nothing. It was like looking at a stranger. Picturing him with a potential woman now - and wishing him only blessings. I’ve done nothing to cause this shift other than praying to God to help me heal the shitty situation I put myself in. I surrendered to my initial pain, forgave myself for my illusions, and obviously, absolved him of any responsibility for that. I took a flight out of NZ, and along came jetlag, and gone was the infatuation. Here, in the jungle, I have more important things to care about and new - real - connections to nurture. Viz the previous post. I think that walking in on L. naked in the wooden outdoor shower helped, too 🤣 Gosh, he

I'll start by saying I got sweet 8 hours of sleep in the jungle. Everything looked brighter the next day. I woke up with joy, so happy to be here... My eyes saw clearer, my skin felt firmer, my mind was sharper, and my body lighter. That's how important sleep is.  We held a small funeral just before the New Year's Eve 'party' on the roof. It was a weird feeling to learn about the Shaman's dad's death the day before my arrival. During my last few days in Auckland, I would take walks in the nearby cemetery and enjoy the peace and quiet there. Maybe a little morbid, but that place kept me grounded, safe, and sane. Hours before I watched my friend's Insta story, I had posted on the Gram - Have you been reminded of death lately?  Then another story with puppies and caption - ..  and birth to the new . Hours later, I saw that my favorite dog ever, whom I looked after in Playa del Carmen, died. So sad... Despite many annoyances along the way and the shock upon