Polyfrickin'amory vs. becoming at home in my own skin

Are some planets in retrograde these days?

Questions like - Do I wish for an exclusive or open relationship?

and

Am I still hung up on M.? started coming up again.

I might be light-heartedly hung up since he was the best lover of the last year, and I am very, very horny now! He was playful, affectionate, and hungry for me. But I know it's time to open the door for something more smooth sailing, no kids from previous relations, or long-distance.

Peru is clearly working its wise magic on me.

Weirdly, I cannot imagine being intimate with L. He certainly is gorgeous, has a good heart, and is caring enough. But, a big but - he is obsessed with exploring Eros with various women. In fact, he has been in an open relationship and polyamorous for many years. 

I respect that.

Could I be poly? I've examined the subject a couple of times before on this blog. 

A part of me wants to be that open-hearted, but a more significant part of me gets off on the idea of a primarily monogamous, secure relationship with one man I could look after, and he looked after me. Am I a purist, selfish, or rigid for that?

These days, it seems that the idea of a sufficiently satisfying monogamous relationship is for narrow-minded, old-fashioned prudes... I hate how we stirred sexuality, love, and Eros in the no-strings attached, flashing red-light-district direction. Yes, sexuality can go multiple ways, but why is suddenly ethical non-monogamy enlightened and monogamy boring?

You do you, I have no problem with that, but I wanna feel free to do me, too.

To add to my pondering about L.... Initially, I told him - When I finally make up my mind whether I'm poly or not, I'll come back to get you. We laughed, and he, nicely surprised, hugged me. 

However, the dealbreaker is not that he is poly. Since we've been spending so much time together, I also uncovered his addictions, escapism, slowness (probably due to smoking joints all the time), and general lack of ambition to go after his dreams. I'm sorry, I am not and never will be attracted to that.

Last night, I listened to a great intro about Tantra, the ISTA training, ejaculation withdrawal, energy climax, and poly relating by Frank Mondeoze. It was entertaining and very, very eloquently put. I agree with everything!!!!! 

Still, when it comes to Frank himself, I'd not find him attractive in a million years. In fact, he sounded like a man who'd not even know how to handle conflict - he'd just escape into the arms of one of his available beloveds who’d be in a better mood. He gives the impression of a man who cannot hunt, protect, or look after a family and only obsesses about poetic love and sensual pleasure.

So, the karmic domino effects continue. A married lady rejected my virtual crush C., C. rejected me, and I rejected L.

Rejection is God’s loving protection!

We had a pleasant San Pedro medicine journey together. I realized that the home within me needs more attention than ever before. 

Prepare the nest within, and the nest without appears.