High-school sweethearts forever after - that's clearly not my story
These frickin' sad romantic songs on the radio... I was fine until I got back into my hotel. Well, until I had a little stalker's moment and spied on two high school sweethearts on Instagram. Damn, it really does happen. People meet at 16 years old and stay together their whole life.
He is a whole other creature I can't even comprehend... like, damn, it really exists that a guy would adopt the role of a protector and provider so early on? They're only in their early 30s now but appear to be more in love than ever.
And well, she is, her love is - how she writes about them and their beyond-love story - absolutely worth it. A totally devoted wife... I checked her whole Instagram, to my own amazement, and she's been very consistent with posts on his birthdays, Valentine's Day, Father's Day... damn. I got sucked into it. I tried to picture myself having done life differently... forget the fact that I had my first boyfriend at 20 years old. Let's say R. and I would stay together. No, I can't even picture that; it's not my story. I'd keep pushing them ALL away... G. as well. Everybody. I was not ready. And now? I'm still struggling to believe a love like that exists.
I could toss all the affairs, flings, unrequited romances, and one-night stands... and trade them for this. Meeting a soulmate early on and just sticking with him. The only man who laid hands on me and was well worth it. Screw even encountering all the hundreds of toads. Sure, every life story has some kind of charm; perhaps what I've been through in the last 16 years would have been appealing to somebody who hasn't had many sexual adventures or is in an unhappy marriage... but these guys are happy and still so loved up. So we all know that my sex life, compared to theirs, is garbage, and they are the winners.
I'm back at square one. I wish for a different story, but I can't even imagine it. I can start with a clean slate now at 36, no problem, but I still don't believe a delightful love life is possible for me. One day, I'll be a happy wife at home, cooking and looking after the kids of my devoted, brave husband? That sounds nice, but the boat might have sailed.
Post-conference in Acapulco, someone told me that at 36, I must know that my beauty will not last, and I better find an ugly, rich man... This person is supposed to be 'awake' and think outside the box. He clearly put me in the box.
I called him out on the beauty trap. Beauty is subjective, and unlike him, I believe in timelessness; I see gorgeous older women around me everywhere who are independent and have fun with or without men!
But yes... I have an expiry date when it comes to bearing children... Why am I expected to want to have children? I am working on shedding many limiting beliefs regarding 'family' first, and that's nobody's business.
He is a whole other creature I can't even comprehend... like, damn, it really exists that a guy would adopt the role of a protector and provider so early on? They're only in their early 30s now but appear to be more in love than ever.
And well, she is, her love is - how she writes about them and their beyond-love story - absolutely worth it. A totally devoted wife... I checked her whole Instagram, to my own amazement, and she's been very consistent with posts on his birthdays, Valentine's Day, Father's Day... damn. I got sucked into it. I tried to picture myself having done life differently... forget the fact that I had my first boyfriend at 20 years old. Let's say R. and I would stay together. No, I can't even picture that; it's not my story. I'd keep pushing them ALL away... G. as well. Everybody. I was not ready. And now? I'm still struggling to believe a love like that exists.
I could toss all the affairs, flings, unrequited romances, and one-night stands... and trade them for this. Meeting a soulmate early on and just sticking with him. The only man who laid hands on me and was well worth it. Screw even encountering all the hundreds of toads. Sure, every life story has some kind of charm; perhaps what I've been through in the last 16 years would have been appealing to somebody who hasn't had many sexual adventures or is in an unhappy marriage... but these guys are happy and still so loved up. So we all know that my sex life, compared to theirs, is garbage, and they are the winners.
I'm back at square one. I wish for a different story, but I can't even imagine it. I can start with a clean slate now at 36, no problem, but I still don't believe a delightful love life is possible for me. One day, I'll be a happy wife at home, cooking and looking after the kids of my devoted, brave husband? That sounds nice, but the boat might have sailed.
Post-conference in Acapulco, someone told me that at 36, I must know that my beauty will not last, and I better find an ugly, rich man... This person is supposed to be 'awake' and think outside the box. He clearly put me in the box.
I called him out on the beauty trap. Beauty is subjective, and unlike him, I believe in timelessness; I see gorgeous older women around me everywhere who are independent and have fun with or without men!
But yes... I have an expiry date when it comes to bearing children... Why am I expected to want to have children? I am working on shedding many limiting beliefs regarding 'family' first, and that's nobody's business.
I'll continue to expand on two concepts in the next post.
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