The feminine wrath - Isn't anybody raising warriors of the heart anymore?
I have much to learn about the ancient feminine wrath towards the masculine. Where does my anger originate from? Why is it so hard to stay on the track of forgiveness and compassion 24/7?
All is going well with M. We have fun as friends. It's not that I don't want to sleep with him; it's that I shouldn't until I learn to trust again. Trust a man's word, trust his actions, and surrender.
I can't now.
He never betrayed me, never pushed me away, but he said things, and omitted others, to get me to like him more, and I am not quite over that. I know he has a good heart, but I'm worried there could be some manipulative tendencies... Again, I'm wiring my brains about where the default mistrust and subsequent anger come from exactly.
The past virtual crush could sense that the hurt cut deeper. It wasn't only his text - "Nice hanging out with you, but I wanna be alone, and I also hope to see you in person soon." It was the confirmation of everything I had gathered about men previously.
1. They lose interest if you sleep with them too early (even if only virtually!)
Yes, I still wanna vomit when I remember all those who have ghosted or chickened out in the face of intimacy... But I also understand them. The agenda to sexualize everything, masculinize women, and feminize men has not been in humanity's favor.
Women had to get so tough in dealing with these cowardly pussies in male bodies that it is no longer surprising when they eventually decide to leave us to our own devices. "You help yourself, woman!"
But it still aches - the vomit fighting its way up my throat aches. And the lies, the anger, and the mistrust along with it.
1. They lose interest if you sleep with them too early (even if only virtually!)
2. They cannot handle intimacy and closeness.
3. They bail before it gets too 'dangerous' for them.
4. Rejecting others is how they handle, cannot handle, shame and vulnerability.
As Dr. Kelly Brogan says - Every woman secretly wants to be [well-]handled by a real masculine man.
Where are they?
When people keep apologizing so much, it makes me think - Are they making sure they managed to properly break me? You didn't break me. I was already broken, and now I'm healed, thank you.
Stop apologizing, it makes me more mad.
Deal with your shame. Deal with it alone since you want to be alone, and I'm not your mother to make it all okay or have it disappear for you.
Deal with it, boy.
I am waiting patiently for the rise of real warriors of the heart. Manly gentlemen who'll protect women by staying still in the eye of the storm. Staying still like a rock and displaying generosity of their giving, masculine nature.
Even in the PUA community, there's a rule - Leave her better than you found her.
I'm not sure if that's what that boy intended when he used me for his pleasure and then left me... but it's at least what happened as a byproduct.
I refuse to get bitter. I have more compassion, forgiveness, and understanding towards the masculine than ever before.
3. They bail before it gets too 'dangerous' for them.
4. Rejecting others is how they handle, cannot handle, shame and vulnerability.
As Dr. Kelly Brogan says - Every woman secretly wants to be [well-]handled by a real masculine man.
Where are they?
When people keep apologizing so much, it makes me think - Are they making sure they managed to properly break me? You didn't break me. I was already broken, and now I'm healed, thank you.
Stop apologizing, it makes me more mad.
Deal with your shame. Deal with it alone since you want to be alone, and I'm not your mother to make it all okay or have it disappear for you.
Deal with it, boy.
I am waiting patiently for the rise of real warriors of the heart. Manly gentlemen who'll protect women by staying still in the eye of the storm. Staying still like a rock and displaying generosity of their giving, masculine nature.
Even in the PUA community, there's a rule - Leave her better than you found her.
I'm not sure if that's what that boy intended when he used me for his pleasure and then left me... but it's at least what happened as a byproduct.
I refuse to get bitter. I have more compassion, forgiveness, and understanding towards the masculine than ever before.
Yes, I still wanna vomit when I remember all those who have ghosted or chickened out in the face of intimacy... But I also understand them. The agenda to sexualize everything, masculinize women, and feminize men has not been in humanity's favor.
Women had to get so tough in dealing with these cowardly pussies in male bodies that it is no longer surprising when they eventually decide to leave us to our own devices. "You help yourself, woman!"
But it still aches - the vomit fighting its way up my throat aches. And the lies, the anger, and the mistrust along with it.
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