Healing the Divine Masculine - in ALL of us

I have much to learn about the ancient feminine wrath towards the masculine. Where does my anger originate from? Why is it so hard to stay on the track of forgiveness and compassion 24/7? All is going well with M. We have fun as friends. It's not that I don't want to sleep with him; it's that I shouldn't until I learn to trust again. Trust a man's word, trust his actions, and surrender. I can't now.  He never betrayed me, never pushed me away, but he said things, and omitted others,  to get me to like him more, and I am not quite over that. I know he has a good heart, but I'm worried there could be some manipulative tendencies... Again, I'm wiring my brains about where the default mistrust and subsequent anger come from exactly. The past virtual crush could sense that the hurt cut deeper. It wasn't only his text - "Nice hanging out with you, but I wanna be alone, and I also hope to see you in person soon." It was the confirmation of everyth

Over 4 hours ago, I thought this would be an angry post.... a lot has stirred up since my latest rejection, but... I'm healed. Hahaha, honestly, this feels awesome. I was feeling meh, processing the accumulation of my past fuckups, and as you can imagine, it's not been pretty. Tonight, I watched RRT Solutions seminar, and there was an excellent question from a man who fears closeness... What to do about the juvenile panic when he gets intimate with a woman?... Our RRT genius made him see that his nakedness (possibly literal as well as an analogy for vulnerability) is desired. There is no threat of humiliation. I listened with high attentiveness because it was something I've been pondering as well... What was it in me that wanted to abort C.'s and mine connection after he had made me orgasm on the phone?  Was it my fear of disappointment and refusing to be vulnerable? I paused our conversations and then resumed them despite my brain telling me it was a trainwreck I was d

Oh, so you’re imagining laying on my bed, huh? Who invited you?  But then I calmed down because I was also imagining him in my bed. It’s nice that he prefers to come to me, or not? Why doesn't he invite me virtually into his bed? At least now we both know we like sleeping alone. Isn’t that wonderful?  This could be really good or super bad… Of course, I’m imagining the latter. Feeling the pit left inside after M., I have nothing noble to say about men anymore, if I ever had. They lie. They lie to get you to bed, and even more so you sleep with them freely and preferably unprotected… Wtf…. How is one not supposed to get traumatized after a lie blows up? So naive, blind, deaf… Was it my karma because I didn’t divulge my past, either? Although, in February, I genuinely thought I wouldn’t be coming back to that dungeon. Yes, I had to, and for my own self-preservation, I started tweaking work sometime in May, but it was still a painful transitioning process to settle in my new convicti

Well, so he's back in the single's world, dating other women like a kid in a candy store, and also texting me about it... My 'married' twin flame from 2017, and interestingly, I don't GAF. I'm wise enough to know that once a forbidden fruit becomes available, it's most likely rotten. And aware of its toxicity, I don't want to eat it anymore. Our romance was intense in 2017-18, then fireworks in October 2022 as if nothing had changed between us (neither his marital status) in four years. I even told him last year... Once you decide to finally... 🙈 Anyway, it will all be depicted in my book! J. and I it was a crazy looove! But it's time to cut the cord; I don't think we're meant to be together, not even now that he's physically available… Huh, simple as that. I got new oracle cards, Spirit Animals by Collette Baron Reid - they work so amazingly! Wow, I always knew the Spirit world was real; I love them… Side note - I just recalled my secon