No mistakes, only lessons

I made so many bad mistakes in my sex and love life, more than I could count.

The good news is that we can’t make fatal mistakes with the wrong people. They’re wrong for us, so good riddance. In all other cases - mistakes are lessons that still move us towards what we want, only in unexpected ways.

I don’t know what it is about my attracting - or succumbing to - the wrong characters for me. Weak boundaries, low self-worth; maybe some kinda naïveté?

My naive heart wants to believe in good souls, loyalty, real love, and honesty…. Yet each year, I collect more and more evidence that these qualities are scarce in my world.

I could be a good 17th century poet. But when I open my eyes, there’s no Romeo and Juliet, a romantic novel to be written with a happy ending (unless it’s his hj), neither do I observe knights in shining armor around me, and so I can’t be more bewildered when I finally see the guy for who he is. Warts and all.

Why couldn’t I see that right away?

I’m stunned at the reality of things months later.

Initially, I kept asking myself- why do I push the good ones away and keep the bad ones close?

But that’s not the right question. They all appear fully capable of hurting my feelings once I’d sleep with them. And get attached.

Should I learn the art of masculine non-attachment?

True, there’s never a need to fall head over heals and put the man up on a pedestal the day after I met him (or slept with him).

I blocked M. out of my life. Across all media. He had it long coming.

I feel relieved that I can finally stop emotionally abusing myself. The song from Dua Lipa IDGAF comes to mind.

I will be forever saying no to having a coffee with him.

I shocked what the fuck was wrong with me in February. 
Block block block everywhere. We were never even friends to begin with.

Yes, friendship first…

I want to start making the right choices, including not looking at R.’s stories on Instagram 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

Perhaps the ladybugs and grasshoppers that have been following me lately are good spiritual signs of change, love and abundance coming.

Takeaway lessons:

Before you trust him, get to know him.

Before you assume he is faithfully waiting for you, ask; or just don’t believe there’s such a thing as waiting when he had never claimed you in the first place:

Let him show you love and devotion with his actions first, only then can you believe his words.

Be claimed first, fall in love after.

In other words, don’t have sex too soon, not before he demonstrates he wants a relationship with you.

Stay strong.

Important: Beating yourself up and asking wtf is wrong with you… will not help you. Just change.

Give yourself love and empathy.

Because at one point, that romance was exactly what you wanted.