Thinking of a healthy relationship for a change

The moment I started fantasizing about a fictional character to get myself off, I entertained the idea of polyamory again. Because just before that, I had imagined two real characters doing the same thing that the third one has finished. In the next moment, however, I realized that none of these situations was currently happening. It was just a fantasy. 

When I'm with the first one in real life, I get a different kind of pleasure; he keeps me hooked because I'm on my toes, a little insecure, and generally, act softer than when I am with the second character in my movie. With the second one, there are no boundaries to how we make love to each other; it's electrifying and a little dangerous, given the events of this year. 

So, the third character... why do I need him in the picture at all? It struck me he was there because it could potentially be something healthy. I don't need three lovers. I need just one healthy connection that might not be all about the chase (thank god), or safe lovemaking, aka coloring inside of the lines (thank god, no), neither always passionately dangerous (thank god, no!).

This semi-invented man, based on a real person, of course, is there in my imagination to remind me that what I have with other people, albeit real characters, is unreal. Wanting to see the first man is probably unhealthy, and what I used to have with the second man might have been rather toxic.

Now, which one will I choose?