Older women and younger men
Isn't it amazing that I've avoided younger guys all my life, barely dating anyone below 40? In the past, they'd have to be at least 10 years older than me, and now 2 young men in their twenties will change the trajectory of my life?
The thing is, the brief relations I fostered this past year restored hope. I cannot explain it any other way. But if I said that it is hope in genuineness, real love, honesty, and innocence, it sounds silly! So silly I could not even utter these words out loud. Meeting R. last year, who looked much older than 25, and hearing his crazy made-up stories and fondness of clubbing made me understand those challenging years of finding myself and what I liked. I used to act similar. At 36, I don't like pretending I'm something I'm not, meeting the social status standards, or drunken clubbing. But what I like instead is not the total opposite either. I must have some classy fun in my life. We all should.
And meeting M., and experiencing his way of wooing and looking after me, I concluded it was honestly alright for a 28-year-old!
Maybe the lessons were in compassion for the younger versions of me, empathy towards the current youth, and forgiveness for the masculine. Because these lads are still the epitome of masculine energy, and they are special. There's nothing wrong with me noticing someone much younger and special. I don't think it would work if I was 50 and they were 40.. but I don't have definite proof of that either.
And damn, they are both so bloody handsome... it's too hot in here. Had I known in my teens and twenties that I was too young for the real hotties around me, I'd have relaxed and not internalized their disinterest. Because after hanging out with R., who's just too hot, I feel like a schoolgirl groupie again; my theory is that I wouldn't have had a chance if I was his age. He wouldn't be interested in the younger immature me. I understood he wanted a woman, a lady who was smart, independent, tolerant, and open-minded. I am that now. Sadly, I was undateable at 25-26.
R. is a deep-thinker, and I can see feelings don't arise easily for him. Anyway, I felt something, and whether it was just my imagination or the real stuff, it doesn't matter. He and M. opened me up to Love again.
Even M. has a history of dating older women. Impregnating the younger ones while shitfaced drunk, but well, it happens to the best of us. I still think about him. At one point, how he 'loved' me was just what my 7 years older heart needed.
Somehow my hope, trust, and confidence are restored. I don't know how exactly that happened, especially since I didn't end up with either of these boys, not even planning to, and I'm actually fine with that. I wonder if this is why older men date younger women. Is that for the same anecdote?
On the other hand, I find a really old man flaunting a young supermodel by his side rather disturbing. Why is it adequate, though? Seeing an older woman with a toyboy is rare, but only because we choose to focus on what's more 'normal'. Is every age-unequal relationship troubling? And you know what, if we gonna tolerate Hugh Heffner and his harem of twenty-year-old playmates, shouldn't we accept the opposite too? What if I wanna have toyboys in my 70s, and they would all actually love it with me? It should be permitted just as much as the first scenario!
... what the fuck of a monster did we create in this modern world?!
The thing is, the brief relations I fostered this past year restored hope. I cannot explain it any other way. But if I said that it is hope in genuineness, real love, honesty, and innocence, it sounds silly! So silly I could not even utter these words out loud. Meeting R. last year, who looked much older than 25, and hearing his crazy made-up stories and fondness of clubbing made me understand those challenging years of finding myself and what I liked. I used to act similar. At 36, I don't like pretending I'm something I'm not, meeting the social status standards, or drunken clubbing. But what I like instead is not the total opposite either. I must have some classy fun in my life. We all should.
And meeting M., and experiencing his way of wooing and looking after me, I concluded it was honestly alright for a 28-year-old!
Maybe the lessons were in compassion for the younger versions of me, empathy towards the current youth, and forgiveness for the masculine. Because these lads are still the epitome of masculine energy, and they are special. There's nothing wrong with me noticing someone much younger and special. I don't think it would work if I was 50 and they were 40.. but I don't have definite proof of that either.
And damn, they are both so bloody handsome... it's too hot in here. Had I known in my teens and twenties that I was too young for the real hotties around me, I'd have relaxed and not internalized their disinterest. Because after hanging out with R., who's just too hot, I feel like a schoolgirl groupie again; my theory is that I wouldn't have had a chance if I was his age. He wouldn't be interested in the younger immature me. I understood he wanted a woman, a lady who was smart, independent, tolerant, and open-minded. I am that now. Sadly, I was undateable at 25-26.
R. is a deep-thinker, and I can see feelings don't arise easily for him. Anyway, I felt something, and whether it was just my imagination or the real stuff, it doesn't matter. He and M. opened me up to Love again.
Even M. has a history of dating older women. Impregnating the younger ones while shitfaced drunk, but well, it happens to the best of us. I still think about him. At one point, how he 'loved' me was just what my 7 years older heart needed.
Somehow my hope, trust, and confidence are restored. I don't know how exactly that happened, especially since I didn't end up with either of these boys, not even planning to, and I'm actually fine with that. I wonder if this is why older men date younger women. Is that for the same anecdote?
On the other hand, I find a really old man flaunting a young supermodel by his side rather disturbing. Why is it adequate, though? Seeing an older woman with a toyboy is rare, but only because we choose to focus on what's more 'normal'. Is every age-unequal relationship troubling? And you know what, if we gonna tolerate Hugh Heffner and his harem of twenty-year-old playmates, shouldn't we accept the opposite too? What if I wanna have toyboys in my 70s, and they would all actually love it with me? It should be permitted just as much as the first scenario!
... what the fuck of a monster did we create in this modern world?!
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