Age and chemistry (It’s Not the Years in Your Life That Count. It’s the Life in Your Years)

And here we go again... Could I really date a 26-year-old? I don't get why I even think about it! It won't happen in this case, if only for the logistics. Plus, seriously?!

We have different hobbies.

And sex drives.

And lessons learned in life.

Stop it.

What are you supposed to answer to a question What are you looking for in a man, coming from somebody super handsome, fitter than any fitness model you know, intelligent, and despite his younger age, even respect-evoking, but still just so very young?

Especially after listening to a brilliant episode on Kelly Brogan's Reclamation Radio - Make every man bigger with Om Rupani, I am sure I need a Masculine Man with a capital M. To me, that means he's older and possesses maturity, reliability, and responsibility to look after his woman whom he CLAIMS and handles in any state. 

At 26, that's simply impossible to fathom or even want to be that person.

If I met that Man, I'd have to play my part and be the Feminine Woman who supports him, stands by him, and helps him follow his heart and mission. I think that, essentially, I could be that woman for any man. I have a lot of rehearsal playing femme fatale and a lot of practice people pleasing. But that's not it. My experiences have taught me that my efforts are only genuine if I fall in love. These same situations showed me that I can invest in a relationship only if the sex is mind-blowing and communication consistent. If he gives me everything in bed and follows through with staying in contact, I not only reciprocate but shower him with love, admiration, and loyalty outside of the bedroom too.

If the sex is not mind-blowing, he holds back, doesn't fuck with his heart open, and doesn't claim me sooner or later, I can't keep up with 'mediocre.' I'd rather be left alone and wait for the real deal.

Why does age play a role in chemistry? It's the confusion about what's really going on in the young heart, the love for clubbing as a means of escape and being too caught up in 'social status' that we associate with a younger age. Upbringing and still unhealed wounds determine the outcome further. 

True, "It’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years." 

I'm not all that boring; I love a good party. A day party :/

Well, I'm 36, I don't wanna waste my weekends in clubs. Yes, I want a rich life and enjoy it to the max, but healthily. I'm healed after all betrayals, and I'm ready to go. 

It's not their fault to lack behind at all; we all have different divine timing. God knows it took me years and years. He's totally allowed to party and find other escapes from reality. For me, it's traveling too.

The wiser and more responsible part says - It's time to leave the 26-year-old clubbers and soon-to-be 29-year-old fathers alone to their devices.

Although, sex with either of them again would be nice... but... No, shut up, my slutty part!

I know that God can deliver a good Man to me as long as I adhere to certain standards and the bigger picture. I'd be happy if he had the vital traits I liked on my past flirts (including AWAKE), and even happier if he was a loyal, amazing, and responsible lover, consistent in his communication, ready to claim me, call me his girlfriend, introduce me to his parents and friends, and as a bonus, be financially well off and generous to easily support me and build a new home with me.

When it comes to loyalty, I'd like to explain my thought processes in the next post. 

#amiajealoushypocriticalpoly? 

#maybeiampolyifidontcareaboutthemenough? #maybeistillhaventfoundtheone 

#maybeimnotgoodenough

#maybeopenrelationshipssavefromdissapointments #doesmonogamyexistandifsoisitnormal?