Me, myself, and wine, and full moon

Admit it. You don't wanna date him, you don't wanna fuck him, you just want to have the last word. Admit it!

I broke the silence. Me, the big girl, speaking to the little boy inside of him.

They say that alcohol never makes you do what you don't really wanna do, it only removes all the barriers, so you can do it. Sometimes, it's about the payoff, not the action itself.

I had a whole night to think through my second message. I danced with my anger, resentments, and small pleasure that he, in fact, had replied nearly immediately. But soon, my motives and everything seemed clearer. I needed to close this chapter. 

I'm calling in a man. A true man to love me, grow with me, and co-create with me. This boy, who happens to be younger than me, has been very immature and disrespectful. Not all men below 30 are like that. I don't want to generalize. But this particular one is. His lack of basic communication skills reminds me not to date men who cannot level up to my life experiences and a certain level of consciousness. He will not be capable of acting authentically, braving vulnerability, and communicating from his heart for the next few years, or until he grows up. 

Oh well, it was an experiment on my side. Unbelievable to think that I was actually falling for him 🙉

Another reminder - never date a stoner. They probably forget a lot, definitely all about you, their responsibilities, or learning integrity.

I had a great dance, and despite a couple of unplanned glasses of red, I felt a lot of energy for once. I finished at nearly midnight hour!
Yeah... it got a little crazy. All the versions of me, plus wine, and plus the full moon above us.

I felt empowered, I don't know how else to describe it.
The full moon didn't let me sleep much, I had weird visions, and I knew that I'd be starting my monthly bleed that night.

Sure enough, woke up 5 hours later with my period. No pain, cramps, moodiness, and not super tired either. I filled my day with meaningful work, sorted out the dog, meditated, day-dreamed, went cycling... and then I sent this:

Hi, don't apologize to me. It's your choice how you spend your time. Some people would have flown across the ocean to do the UPW with me hadn't they gotten a concussion (true story); others chose not to open a message with UPW notes for two months. Or any message. It only comes down to Priorities 💁🏻‍♀️
I'm glad for this reminder to reread the notes.
I, too, had a strange period, traumatized from working in a nightclub, but it got me financially back on track. The stress wasn't worth it, though. Doing the unstable 'solopreneur' thing now, I nearly run back to the familiar.
Rereading the notes and being reminded of courage, consistency, and INTEGRITY, I now see that I can't give up.
Some jobs, activities, and people no longer align with who I am and where I'm going. Good luck with your work, it sounds good.
Change is tough, for sure.
You don't need to reply, not that you were planning to, but it would be nice to let me know you've got the message.
All the best.

Yeah, a long message, but I had to share all that was stuck in my mind for over two months.
Anyway, the chapter is closed. Close the door to all men-children, stoners, liars, unconscious, and disrespectful people without integrity. Done. Wish them well but fuck them. Not literally. Very important for next time!